Patrick Pugnacious who was the Autogyro Wangler on the Wombathyde expeditions was a colorful charlatan who sold his life story to the sleazy pulp magazine “Spicy Tropical interludes”. His account of the rediscovery of the fabled Temple has become the accepted history regardless of its veracity.
“Well, th' gyros was purrin’ away prettily that hot equatorial afternoon. Th' wind was turnin' th' arboreal canopies below into a writhin' sea of green. Now, Me and Reggie had acquired an ancient map of Old Dobbstown from a Sham Shaman under suspicious circumstances. We was fixin’ to find th' fabled treasure of th’ Temple. We had just about given up what little hope we had left after several faltering and failed attempts when I spotted a reddish glow in the verdant primeval overgrowth. We put down in a natural clearin' and set off on foot. We was 47 clicks North East of New Dobbstown in the vast area of Old Dobbstown that had be abandoned in The Troubles of 353 BCE. Th’ vegetation was unique to this district. The legends say the th’ Temple emits high frequency Z-Rays causin' th’ fauna to develop in myriad monstrous mutations. “
“Th’ machete Gang cut a swarth through th’ monumental dreamscape. Soon our intrepid crew found themselves at th’ base of a wall of crimson marble inlayed with figures of th’ finest cubic zirconia. Th’ hieroglyphs were in Bobco, th’ puzzling pictograms of th’ old city. Professor Pretentious translated the ominous warning: “Abandoned all cash all ye who enter here.” Just beyond was found a gateway to th’ inner temple. Reggie was th’ first to make his way to what is now known as th’ Room of Wonders. Festooned upon the walls was a complex of relief sculptures visually documenting the convoluted contracts and cooperations conceived between “Bob” Dobbs and Zontar.”
“But ya know its never all milk n’ honey. Them pesky Z-rays in th’ passing millennia had transformed the local Orangutang tribes into twisted Monkey Men known as Magaloids. These simple sub-hu-mans were emotional entities easily led by th’ most abhorrent among them. Before we knowed it the chamber was awash with th’ simian simpletons. Reggie managed to let loose a volley of leaden death into the unwholesome hoard before succumbing to the orange tide.”
“Th’ shriekin' stinkin' ape men was a mass of scratching nails and yellow teeth. We was brought before a throne of porcelain. Upon it swatted th’ monarch of the Magaloids. It’s tangerine hair mottled and infested with some kind of glutinous goo. Th’ ridiculous expressions it its fearsome face reminded me of th’ image of Mussolini reflected in a funhouse mirror.”
“Th’ venomous visage uttered absurdities from its preposterous puss. Th’ mangled verbiage was something like English. At first I thought it was th’ random ravings of a preposterous primitive, but slowly I reckoned that this atrocious antediluvian was an ass-hole, and a dangerous one as well. Luckily, them perversions of personhood was none too bright, They stood enamored before their tin god allowin’ us to put to use our proficiency with ancient Venusian technology.”
“Th’ three small artifacts that had been hidden in our underclothing found their way into th' pertinent niches in the base of th' throne. Suddenly th' chamber was filled with a butane blue flame. Th’ light in th’ eyes of the contemptuous conglomerate became even duller as the Z-rays changed polarity. The now simple apes wandered off to return to nature as their moronic majesty was preternaturally perplexed. Our workmen fashioned a crude cage from the local vegetation allowing us to transport th’ nocuous nobility back to civilization. We was able to turn a tidy profit selling it to the Cleveland Zoo.”
